Housemate Horror Stories

Here are a couple of stories to consider before ever thinking of moving in with me..

Scenario #1 (sometime last year)
I wake up at 4 in the morning to take a wee, and stumble into the bathroom, feeling blindly for the light switch. The lights come on and I instantly regret it is as the glare blinds my eyes back shut. Afterwards, as I'm reaching over to flush, I graze my housemate's comb that is precariously perched on the shelf next to me. Thankfully, it didn't fall. But its motion ever so slightly nudges the shaving cream next to it, which in turn hits his toothbrush that begins to teeter over the edge of the shelf.

I reach over to stop it but my reflexes are still in bed with the rest of me, and the toothbrush begins its tumble. It bounces off the sink as I grab at it, but it eludes me and ricochets off the radiator. Before I'm fully cognisant of what just happened, I'm watching the toothbrush swan dive STRAIGHT into the middle of the toilet - currently in mid-flush and I'm left speechless. *GASP!*

Standing in shock and awe, I stare at the toothbrush and pray it flushes away completely. Unfortunately, it doesn't so I'm left there to ponder my next move. Do I..

• Try flushing again and hope it'll disappear?
• Pretend I didn't witness the whole incident and just walk away? (Buddy will wake up though, come to the bathroom, pull down his pants, face the toilet, and be staring at his own toothbrush!)
• Reach in and grab it? And then what? Throw it out or place it back on his shelf?? (Would he rather see his toothbrush in the trash can, in the toilet, on his shelf, or not at all?
• WWJD?!

Scenario #2 (recently)
We've a bunch of stray cats that forage in our backyard, and there's a particular one who likes to come into our kitchen and hang out. She was in the other day while I was doing the dishes but when I finished and turned around, she disappeared! I searched the house unable to find her for a good 5 minutes but then I finally hear some noise in my buddy's bedroom.

I walk in and see her fatness sitting right in the middle of the (unmade) bed. "Get off!" I yell and she bolts off to run back to the kitchen. Meanwhile, my other housemate (Sam) walks in and asks, "What's going on?" My jaw drops and I point to the big wet spot left behind on the bed.

Me: "Is that water or urine?"
Sam: "Why are you asking me?"
Me: "OH man.."